Many people spend their entire lives oblivious to the secret to a thriving relationship. They succeed in their professional lives, but they fail in their romantic relationships. A bunch of my coaching clients ask me how I have such a great marriage. I’ve been married to my incredible wife for 10 years and we have two beautiful daughters. Our relationship with each other has only gotten better since having kids. The opposite is true for a lot of people I coach. Where do they go wrong? They put the kids first.
Your Love for Your Children Can Stifle Their Growth
This advice is for people with children. The love we have for our children is out of this world. The problem is this undying love actually harms the parent’s relationship with each other. Either one or both parents put their kids first and their spouse second. This is especially true for mothers.
You probably don’t think there is anything wrong here. Of course, a parent should put their kids first, right? Actually, research suggests otherwise. Study after study shows children thrive most when they see an incredible bond between their mother and father. Security and stability are key for them reaching their full potential. If they see a shaky relationship at home, they’ll feel shaky themselves. This happens because both parents treat their relationship with each other as an obligation.
This means you have to put your relationship with your spouse over your relationship with your children. If you don’t, you’ll stifle their growth into adulthood. Now, keeping your kids out of drugs and other things is just good parenting. What I’m talking about is being obsessed with everything they do. Give your kids enough freedom to let them develop. Many parents end up trying to get their kids to stay home when it is time to go to college because they have become dependent on their kids being around.
The Secret to a Thriving Relationship is Following This Order of Operations
There is an order of operations to everything in life. Following the order of operations below is the secret to a thriving relationship:
Putting yourself first sounds selfish, but it’s not. What it means is that you focus on thriving as an individual so you can give even more to the people in your life. You have to time for your personal development and growth. More importantly, you have to take time for self-care. This goes equally for men and women. Do more of what YOU love to do. If you are not thriving, you can’t help the people around you.
Your spouse has to come second. Your kids, career, or friends can’t come before your spouse. You have to dedicate time to build a thriving relationship with your spouse if you want your kids to reach their potential. That stability your children needs to thrive comes when you have a thriving relationship with your spouse.
Third comes your children. This gives the children the room they need to thrive. It has nothing to do with how much time you spend with your kids. Of course, you still spend plenty of time with your kids. It’s all about putting the right amount of energy into each area.
A Life Coach can Help Your Relationship Thrive
Knowing the secret to a thriving relationship is one thing – applying it is another. It is not easy to stop obsessing over your children if you have been doing it all of their lives. Working with a life coach on a consistent basis can help you unlearn these bad habits and condition you to apply the secret to a thriving relationship. Schedule a consultation with Titanium Success to learn more.