Why Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself is Important
You have to stop being who you really are. Stop being the real you. Does that scare you a little bit? Yeah, I think it would scare me too if I turned on this thing and someone started telling me to stop being who I really am until I listened and found out why he’s telling me this.
See, so many of us are using this as an excuse to not be at our best in so many areas of life. In business, in relationships, we use this as a constant excuse where we say, “Well, I’m just being who I am,” or, “This is just the real me.”
Stop Using “I’m Just Being Myself” as an Excuse
You know, they – you sleep in in the morning, you don’t get your stuff done, you don’t take care of business, you’re not where you’re supposed to be, and your excuse is, “Well, I’m just not a morning person.”
What kind of a person are you? Are you an afternoon person? An evening person? What are you? Because if you’re an evening person, hey, great. Get your ass to sleep at night so you can get up in the morning and make it to your meetings on time.
Or if you’re not a morning person, what does that really even mean? You know, does that mean you’re just grumpy in the morning and grouchy, and you yell and scream at people? So are you just a mean person or a bad person? What are you, right?
So we give this excuse when it comes to the mornings. We give this excuse when it comes to sometimes having a bad attitude. “I haven’t had my coffee yet.”
How to Stop Being Yourself
Well, why do you have a bad attitude, right? If we were to admit to ourselves, hey, we have a bad attitude because we’re too lazy sometimes to listen to what other peoples’ needs are and focus on their needs and in a selfish way we have a bad attitude with people. But guess what?
We use the excuse of, “Oh, I just haven’t had my coffee yet.” No, you know – and if you have your coffee, that’ll do a couple of things for you, but changing your attitude is not one of them. The only person who can change your attitude is you.
Or, I love people who say they’re big-boned, and I say this at my events all the time, and some of them will just like whisper to me like, “It’s not ‘big-boned,’ it’s big-boned.” Yeah, I know. I get it. I know my grammar, right? You are not big-boned, my friend.
We’ve got to stop giving this excuse. People are overweight because they eat crappy food and they have a sedentary lifestyle, and more importantly, they’re just eating garbage, right? And they’re eating too much food, too much of the wrong foods, consuming processed carbohydrates – all this stuff that I’ve talked to you guys about – and they think that they’re overweight because they’re just fat.
No, you are not fat, my friend. You are an incredible human being with a beautiful, sexy body, with plenty of muscles and really nice curves, believe it or not, underneath all that fat. We just have to get those layers of fat off, right?
But giving the excuse of saying, “This is just who I am,” is the worst thing you can do. And by the way, that’s why you don’t look at yourself in the mirror and never call yourself fat, and that’s why I would never call any of you fat.
I refer to people being overweight; I refer to people being fat – all that stuff. But I would never look at an individual or look at myself in the mirror and say, “Hey, I’m fat. I’m ugly. I’m stupid.” Those are labels you never put on yourself.
Using This Excuse is Holding You Back
But the thing is so many of us love this excuse of saying that we are just being the real us. “I’m just being the real me,” right? That’s just a bunch of garbage. It’s a bunch of excuses that we have for why we’re not willing to say no to the ice cream.
I mean yesterday you guys should have seen me. Man, I found these Reese’s Pieces cups in my house, and I went to town on these things! I mean, I ate like four or five of these things, and it was the stupidest thing I could do. Now see me, I weigh myself every morning.
So I woke up this morning and would you believe I gained two pounds? Now, I can’t believe – I didn’t eat two pounds of Reese’s Pieces cups, so I don’t know how I gained two pounds, but that’s the way the body works. You take in all this sugar and now all this water comes in, and who knows?
Maybe after having those, I cheated on a couple of other things or whatever because I was, “Well, I’ve already eaten like crap today anyways.”
But see, if you use that as an excuse, you’re going to be overweight. Imagine if I did this for a year, right? Where I just ate whatever I wanted to. I love those little Reese’s Pieces cups; I love chocolate, I love ice cream, I love pizza, I love all that stuff.
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
But if I ate it every day, guess what? I’d be fat, and then guess what I would tell people? “Well, I’m just a fat person. I’m just big-boned. You know, it’s not my fault.” Of course, it’s your fault! You’ve got to take responsibility for who you are. You’ve got to take responsibility for how we treat people.
We’ve got to treat people with respect, we’ve got to treat people with love, we’ve got to be happy, we’ve got to be in a good mood. In the morning when we wake up, we don’t need to be in a bad mood. Trust me; we are all morning people, I assure you.
Genetically, I can tell you I’ve studied evolution pretty in-depth and let me tell you, my friends; we’re all cavemen. By the way, if you haven’t listened to that episode, go back and listen to it. That’s your homework assignment for today: we are all cavemen.
So, as cavemen and cavewomen, let me tell you the bottom line. If you are not a morning person, you are a dead person. In nature as a caveman, you cannot survive, meaning every single human being alive today is a morning person. Genetically, you’ve been designed to be morning people.
Now, if you’re not a morning person and you’re really groggy and tired in the morning, well maybe that’s because you’re staying up too late, right? You’re burning the candle at both ends and you’re staying up too late.
Or maybe you’re like, “But Arman, you know, just the other day I went to bed really early and I was still tired.” Yeah, because you have a lifetime of practicing not getting up early in the morning. So when you wake up at a reasonable hour, your body thinks that you’re up in the middle of the night. It doesn’t know the difference, right? So you’ve just got to let it adjust, and at some point, you just have to get over it and say, “Hey, I’m going to be in a good mood.”
Now in your business, some of you say, “Well, I’m not a financial person.” Okay, well get out of business then. You can’t own a business if you’re not a financial person. What do you think? “Well, I don’t look at my P&Ls, and those things scare me,” right?
Or in business or in other things people say, I’m not a math person. Well, what kind of person are you? Because if you’re not a math person, you’re not a living person.
You Can Change Any of Your Traits
They’re like, “No, I don’t want to.” Here, give me all of your money, and I’ll give you a dollar back, and they’re like, “No, no, no. That’s not a good deal.” How do you know that? I thought you weren’t a math person.
Oh, so you do know that if you give me $100,000, and I give you a dollar back, you know 100,000 is more than a dollar, so you’re a math person – you just don’t like to do long division and multiplication and fractions and all this stuff because you haven’t bothered doing it.
So don’t tell me you’re not a math person. You are a math person. It’s not who you are; it’s a trait that you’ve developed, something you’ve gotten really good at practicing.
So you’re overweight because you’ve gotten really good at overeating, right? You don’t have the body you want because you’ve gotten really good at not going to the gym, right.
You’re mean to people. “I’m just a mean person.” No, you’ve just gotten really good at forgetting that other people have feelings too, right? And I was talking to this person the other day, and she was telling me how she was like, “You know, this is just who I am,” right? And she was treating other people like crap, and she was being a pain in everyone’s butt and all this stuff, and she was like, “This is just who I am.” And I was like, “What do you mean this is just who you are?
Because if this is who you are, you don’t deserve to go through life every day because you’re being mean to people. You’re hurting other people. What do you mean ‘This is who you are?’” Who you are is not this. Who you are is who you choose to be, right? And holding yourself to that higher standard.
And then in business, I see it all the time, right? People say, “I’m not a financial person,” and then what I love is this one. People listen to my stuff, right? They read my book, they read my articles and stuff, and then they come to me. I’m talking to them about their business, and they’re like, “Arman, well yeah. You know, I’m just not – I can’t do that stuff because as you know, I am an artist,” and they do the little finger quote thing. “I’m an ‘artist,’” or they’d say, “I’m an ‘entrepreneur.’” “I am an ‘operator.’” Look, I gave you those labels to make you better at doing the other things, not so that you can now use that as an excuse to not do everything else.
For example, if I said you are an entrepreneur, it doesn’t mean you don’t build systems, you don’t manage your people. You know you don’t care about the quality of your product or service – no. It means you have to put in even more focus on those things.
So saying, “Well, I’m just an entrepreneur and that’s why I take crazy risks, do stupid things, blow all my money away. You know, don’t care about the quality of the service or the product and I have no systems in place, and I don’t manage my people well, but that’s just because I’m an entrepreneur.” No! That doesn’t work.
Don’t Use Labels as an Excuse for Failing to Grow
Or like, “I’m an operator, and that’s why my business is the same size it’s been for the last ten years, right? And it’s not growing, and I’m not taking any risk. I’m not growing; I’m not pushing it, I’m not going to that next level because I am an operator.” No! I don’t care if you’re an operator, right? That was a cute little label I put on you because that label helped us at that moment to explain what things you need to get better at, right? – or who you might need to bring into your organization.
But using that label as an excuse to not be at your best within your business is not gonna work, so you can’t say, “I’m not a systems person.” Trust me, all of you are systems people. If you go to bed at night, you wake up in the morning, and you brush your teeth, you are a systems person.
That’s a system, okay? You sleep at night, you get up in the morning, you brush your teeth, and then you go do whatever. You use the restroom, you shower; you get in the car. Those are all a system. Now, there are more complex systems, but we’re all systems people. We’re all math people. We’re all morning people. But we put these silly little labels on ourselves and then we use them as an excuse. So today, especially for the business people out there, we’ve got to get rid of these labels.
Stop Making Excuses for Being a Bad Partner
But then you look at other areas, and relationships are where you really see this coming out in people. They’re like – I talk to guys all the time, because everyone who knows anything about me, they know I’m a guy for being incredibly romantic, and my wife loves this stuff that I’ve done for her in the past, and I continue to do, and so everyone knows me as a romantic person.
And guys will come up to me and be like, “Oh, Arman. I wish I were as romantic as you, man. You know, I’m just not a romantic person.” Look, what does that mean you’re not a romantic person? Romance is not really that hard to do. I mean, it depends on your age and, you know, where you’re at in your relationship. But romance could be as simple as flowers.
Romance could be as simple as saying a few words. Romance could be as simple as focusing on some of the simple things like how you act and where you take someone and putting a few minutes of time and effort into planning where you’re going to take, for example, the girl you’re with or guy or whatever it is, right?
But it’s all about that. It’s not about saying, “I’m just not a romantic person,” and a lot of the people who claim they are not certain things claim not to be a lot of things, and so they’re not romantic, right?
Or I hate when you get these people who are like, “Well, I’m just not into that stuff.” It’s like, but your husband or wife likes to go to the movies. “I’m just not into movies.” Well, too effing bad! You should have thought of that before you got married – or heck, before you started dating, right? So you can’t say, “I’m just not into the movies.” Well if they are, guess what, dude? You better get into movies, right?
Or they’re like, “Well, I’m just not into partying.” Well, if the person you’re with likes to go out – I’m not telling you to go out and get drunk and do drugs and things you don’t want to do. But if they like to be in an environment where there are dancing and music and things like that, again, you’ve got to put yourself there.
Or people who are like, “Well, I’m just too old for ______,” right? “I’m just too old.” Again, you’re defining who you are and using that as an excuse to not do what you need to do. Well, guess what? Most of the people who today say, “I’m too old,” guess what? They used to say, “I’m too young.” They said, “I was too young,” and some of you say you’re too young today. They say, “I’m too young, I’m too young, I’m too young,” until one day they start saying, “I’m too old,” because see, it’s just an excuse. You’re using age as an excuse for whatever it is.
So many of you today, if you’re over the age of 40 or 50 and you’re using youth as an excuse, you’re like, “Well, I’m just too old to do this.” I guarantee you we go back and when you were 20 or when you were 15 or even 25 or 30, you were using the excuse of not being old enough for many of the things you didn’t do in life. Yes, I’m talking to you.
As you’re sitting there listening to this, I know you’re remembering all those examples in life where you used to say you were too young to do things, and now you’re saying you’re too old to do things, right? And do you know what’s funny? Even as you’re sitting there right now in this age, you still think you’re too young for certain things that you should be doing, but you’re too young for them supposedly, right?
And then there are other people out there right now who let’s say you’re an entrepreneur in your early twenties, right? Or just at some point in your career – it’s early in your career. You use that as an excuse to not be as good as you should be, because you say, “Well, I’m just too young.” Well, guess what? You’re not too young.
So, my friends, you are not a mean person, you are not angry. It’s not that you’re not a morning person, you’re not big bonded, it’s not that you’re not a math person. I’m not a people person – that’s the other one. “I’m not a people person.” I’m like, really? You didn’t come out of your mother’s womb? Where the heck were you?
What Kind of Person are You?
What kind of a person are you? Are you like, you know, a cheesecake person? Did you pop out of a cheesecake? Did you – are you a car person? Did you pop out of your car? No, you’re a people person, right? It’s just you haven’t chosen to decide to take an interest in other human beings and have good conversations with them, and you sometimes are getting shy.
Well, don’t be shy. Or, sometimes you’re just selfish and you don’t care about other people. Well, maybe you should care about other people. Go up to people and talk to them. “I’m not a people person.” Yeah, trust me, you are a people person, right?
Finances or math or I’m too old, I’m too young. All this stuff is just excuses. So, the lesson for today my friends is this: Let’s get out there today and let’s focus on being our very, very best. Yes, you should be yourselves (and I know some of you are disappointed right now because you’re like, “Dammit, the title to this thing at the beginning, he told us I shouldn’t be who I really am.”) Well, here is what I’m telling you. I want you to be who you really, truly are on the inside, not the labels that you’ve put on yourself or not the labels that society has put on you, especially for the younger people listening to this.
Ditch the Labels Once and for All
Forget the labels that your friends and family and television has put on you, okay? You are not a fat person; you are not all the things that you’ve been told you are. God forbid, if you’re one of those folks who’s been told in school, “You’re not smart,” right? Trust me – trust me when I tell you that people who told you you’re stupid, they’re the stupid ones, okay?
And if you’re one of the people who’s gone around telling others that they’re not smart, or that they’re fat, or labeling them with these horrible things, you have to stop labeling those people. So today is the day I want you to commit to being the real you – being the real you, meaning being the best you, tapping into the best resources that you have as a person and being the very, very best that you can possibly be.
Hey, I love you guys. Thank you for listening to my podcast. Tell people about this podcast, would you please? But don’t tell them to listen to this episode; they’re going to take it the wrong way.
They’re going to think you’re calling them fat or something, so tell them to listen to a different – tell them to listen to the last couple of episodes about like websites and stuff or some random thing, and they’re going to be like, “Oh, I just listened to this episode and it was pretty cool.” Anyways, get out there please, lead with your heart every single day, and I’m always here for you if you need anything. Love you all, get out there, have an amazing day. Oh yeah, lead with your heart.