10 Secrets to Incredible Relationships
Incredible Relationships can happen to all with just a little extra effort!
I was reading an article today on how a couple had spent 74 years married without having a single argument. It totally amazed me and I’m sure many of us would want to know how they happened to do this. It’s very simple. They say, “Stick it out, listen to one another. He’s mine and I’m his, and that’s how we look at it. We talk things over.” Now that is what I call a lifetime of learning in a nutshell!
Well, the whole idea behind today’s blog is to see how we can have the most incredible relationships by looking at ten simple but very important secrets and how to apply them.
Caution: These techniques will succeed only if you actually want to put your wholehearted commitment into the relationship that you so much care about.
So, let’s begin…
1. The first and foremost on the list is LOVE THYSELF. Arman believes that unless you love yourself completely, there’s no way you can give that love to someone else. I think that’s so completely true. The biggest mistake that most people make when they are in a long term relationship is that they forget to love themselves and be who they are. Instead they start trying to please others and become someone they never wanted to be. Following your other passions and relationships isn’t betraying your lover; it’s making you a more well-rounded, fascinating and happier person. Yes, it is important to keep the partner’s likes and dislikes in mind and be considerate. But it’s not fair to completely forget the YOU that was the fundamental reason behind the existence of the relationship in the first place.
2. The other gem in the list is ENJOY EACH OTHER. Successful couples love spending time with each other doing things that they like. Numerous examples could include: walking together, reading together, watching TV together, exercising, playing, just being comfortably silent around each other — you name and they do it together. That is what binds them and makes the relationship that much more special.
3. FIGHT SMART. Yes, you read it right! Successful couples fight. They too have disagreements but what they do right is that they NEVER BELITTLE EACH OTHER BUT INSTEAD, REPLACE EVERY I, ME, AND MINE WITH WE, US, AND OURS. It is impossible to bring two adults together and not have a single disagreement. However, it is up to us how we approach a disagreement and how we resolve our fights. It’s perfectly fine to agree to disagree. Respect each other’s opinion and I assure that the fight will not make your relationship weak. Instead, it will strengthen it.
4. STOP CONTROLLING, COMPARING, CRITICIZING, OR HAVING UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. Nothing kills a relationship like these do. One needs to give space to the other person in a relationship for them to want to be in a relationship with you. The more you try cornering or holding someone in an iron grip, the more that person might move away from you. Learn that not all expectations in life are converted to realities and it’s okay to dream. But one must be practical enough to ACCEPT THE REALITY.Empathize with them and do what you would like them to do to you if you were in their shoes.
5. LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Before the supporters of ‘Preparing for the Future’ team start arguing with me, this is not about what you think it is. The idea here is that one should be grateful about being together and try to enjoy the moment instead of bringing past disappointments or grudges (not that holding grudges in a relationship ever works though) or work-pressure or the struggles of running a family into the moment and ruining it. Stresses in life are a part and parcel of it and we will deal with those anyway, so we should instead focus on making the small moments of spending time together into memories of happiness and bliss. That will ensure the relation stays well-oiled and running smoothly over the long haul.
6. The other amazing secret that long-haulers have shared is NEVER STOP DATING YOUR INTIMATE PARTNER. Taking out time for each other on a regular basis is the key behind keeping the relationship fresh and exciting. I have noticed over time that couples tend to take each other for granted. Little do they realize that small things can make life much more interesting and stimulating! One common element in many successful marriages or relationships was their ability to keep the romance going. Some set aside one evening a week for a date and others planned romantic getaways periodically, while different couples met most afternoons for conversation at a coffee or tea shop or went for a stroll together every evening. Small gifts once in a while don’t hurt either!
7. Successful couples BRING EACH OTHER JOY. It’s all about giving your better half reasons to be happy about and feel blissful to have you in his/her life. In a beautiful article that I read recently, the author tells about Ken Druck, Ph.D, who gave a workshop to his wife as a birthday gift. “She had a beautiful voice that she rarely used. What better gift than to unleash the joy she already possessed.” In the workshop, participants of every age and background were encouraged to “vanquish the wagging finger of self-condemnation and sing their hearts out.” The high point of the workshop was a live concert for family and friends. He says, “With the exception of our children’s births, I can never recall my wife as having been so joyful and happy.” That’s such a beautiful gesture! A relationship need not always be about getting; sometimes giving is even more rewarding.
8. And, yes, KEEPING THE INTIMACY INTACT. It doesn’t necessarily mean you go and hit the sack at the first available opportunity. Instead, small gestures like hugging, kissing, snuggling, holding hands, flirting, etc. can go a very long way in making the love of your life feel extra special and desirable.
9. BE HONEST. No one in history ever came across a successful relationship not based on honesty. If there’s something that you enjoy/dislike, whether it be in or out of the bedroom, share it with your partner. You will be glad to see how he or she appreciates your frankness. Lies and false behavior will not take a relationship anywhere.
10. Last but not the least, SMILE AND LAUGH MORE OFTEN. This advice is applicable not just to your relationship, but everywhere. Individuals want to be surrounded by happy people. It not only will boost your mood and elevate your sense of happiness, but also impart the same sense to your relationship and make it that much more fun.
You might also want to check out Arman’s 30-second video on “Secret to Incredible Relationships” (which in my opinion is simply awesome).
Follow these secrets and I can assure you, you will love every moment of your incredible relationship!