We’ve got these big goals and things that we want to accomplish. But at the same time, we’ve got people we love in our lives, who demand a lot of our time and attention. And they want us to be with them. And of course, we want to be with them. But, how do you manage that balance? Especially when the person on the other end is telling you that you are not giving enough of yourself to them. You are not spending enough time with them.
And they feel like you are putting too much focus maybe on your career, and not enough focus on them. Well, I have a strategy that I am going to share with you today. I going to tell you, that the person that you love, is telling you that you are not spending enough time with them, is because of one of three reasons.
There Are Three Main Reasons Your Career and Relationship Are Unbalanced
And it’s one of these three reasons that almost always is going to cause this to happen. And if you address these three things, and all three can be addressed, you can eliminate this without sacrificing anything in your career, or anything in your relationship. So, have you ever found yourself in that situation?
When you were trying to do very well, where you were trying to make big headway, but then you’ve got someone telling you, someone you love telling you that whatever you are trying to there, it’s hurting the relationship, its hurting their feelings, they are feeling that they are getting enough from you?
If you’ve ever found that, listen carefully, because three steps are going to allow you to massively change that part of your life. So, let’s talk about it.
The First Reason is Lack of Presence
Well, the first thing I am going to tell you is when people are telling that they feel that they are not spending enough time with you, one of the three reasons is simply presence. See, the key is, when people are telling that we are not spending enough time with them, especially for me, when my wife, if she tells me that I am not spending enough time with her, often what she is really saying is that she is not feeling my presence.
So, what you can really do in many cases, is understand by changing how present you are, when you are with her, or with him, you can completely change their idea of how much time you are spending together. And how much quality you have in your relationship. It’s an incredible thing when you start applying it. People think well if I am really present, and we are having a lot of fun together, and all this stuff is going on, they are going to want even more of my time.
Its actually not true, believe it or not. Of course, they are going to want more of your time, if you are having a great time together.
But when you are present for someone, especially to the men listening to this, if you are present for your wife, if you are present for your girlfriend when you are there, she will feel your presence throughout the day, even when you are not there. And she will feel like you are spending more quality time with her. And that’s the key. But how do you create that presence?
Well, one way to create that presence, here is a trick I use, and I want you to use it as well. I use it with my wife, and I even use it with friends and people that I want to show how much I care. definitely do with my coaching clients, but my wife more than anyone else.
And when my kids are old enough to understand this, I will do it with them as well. And what is this?
I’ll be going out to dinner with my wife, and we are getting out of the car, and I will take my phone and I will drop it off on the car seat, or in the cup holder, and say well I won’t be needing that. Because the only one I want calling me, is going to be with me at dinner.
I mean, imagine what that puts inside of her mind when I say something like that. Or when we are sitting at home, just hanging out and doing our thing, and I will take my phone and I will say, Honey, I am going to put my phone on airplane mode, because the only person I want to hear from is right here with me today.
See, when you say that, it’s just incredible. But the thing is, of course, you have to act like it as well. So, when you are with your significant other, turn off the TV, turn off your phone, get rid of the things that distract you.
Because if they are telling that you are not with them enough, almost always it is because when you are with them, you are not present. So give them the gift of being present when you are there because I don’t care how much you work. See, a lot of people are trying to tell me they work hard.
A Tip for Balancing Work and Your Relationship
First of all, if you have ever seen how I work, I am probably not going to be impressed with your idea of hard work. Yet, my wife for the most part, in ten years of being with her, she has rarely complained about me working too much, and not spending enough time with her. Why? Because when I am with her, I make a huge attempt to always be present.
See, think about it. Seven days in a week, and 24 hours in a day. So what that means, even if you are working 100 hours a week, which most of you aren’t, and its really hard to work 100 hours a week, trust me. If you are working 100 hours a week, that’s more than 12 hours a day.
Even if you are doing that, you are still leaving yourself with another 12 hours a day, or more, that you can be spending doing other things. So if you are sleeping for6, 7, 8 hours, that still leaves you 3, 4, 5 hours.
So the question is, what are you doing with that time? And when you are with your significant other, are you present? And of course, we are going to talk about the time when you are not with them, what you are doing with that time, in a minute.
But when you are with them, how present are you? Because, if you are with them, and you are checking emails, and you are checking text messages, and you are watching TV, and you are focused on the game, and you are focused on these other things, that’s not going to give you the results that you want.
The bottom line is, when you are with her, or when you are with him, be right there, with her, or right there with him a hundred percent of you. All of you.
Give them your focus, give them your energy, and make it about them when you are with them. Because if you are working hard, and you are not able to give someone enough time, well at least give them the gift of being there, all of you, and at the same time being there for them instead of for you, when you are together. That’s a huge secret, and that secret number one, is presence.
The Second Reason is a Lack of Focus
Now, some of you, you may have the presence part down. Or maybe you don’t, but listen to the second part. The second one is focus. See, many people who they claim they are workaholics. What it really is, is that they just lack focus. Because in reality, you should be able to get the results that you need in life, without having to work 12 hour days.
Now, there are times where you have to put in those kinds of hours,but the thing is, if you are not succeeding, in your career without having to work so many hours, that’s Is literally getting in the way of the relationship with the most important person in your life, maybe its because when you are at work, you are not focused enough.
So, now what you got to do is, you can work 15 hours a day, and be 70 % focus. Maybe what you should do, you get yourself 95 percent focus or a 100 percent focus, and you can cut 3, 4hours out of your workday. And when you do that, you going to see the difference in every area of your life. Because I guarantee you, if you are working 12 hour days consistently, there is something wrong with the way you are working, or maybe you are putting your hands in too many things.
Talk about not having focus, a guy here who runs six different companies, and does a podcast, and events and this and that.
Well you know, sometimes I really have to work to get my focus back. Because when I get out of focus, that’s when I spend 12, 13, 14, 15 hours working. And that’s not the way to get it done. But when you are focused, then you get things done quickly and efficiently. And then you can spend time with the people that you love. And then when you are with the person that you love, of course, presence is also focus.
So you are focused on them. And you are cutting out all the other stuff. Because you see, part of the focus, is focusing on what is most important in your life. And that’s why I have people, to fill up this wheel of life. Because I want you to understand what is the most important thing in your life.
You know, right now you are trying to take your career to the next level, and you want to take your relationship to the next level, and you want to take your growth to the next level, well this might not be the best time to go out and get beer and pizza with your friend and watch football. You may need to cut that out of your life.
Right, because you want these other things. And so, focus means focusing on the things that you want most. And focusing on how to get all of your areas of the wheel thriving, all ten areas thriving, in a few hours as possible, with some of them, let’s say for example you want to have fun.
Well, of course, you want to have fun. But is there a way to have fun that maybe touches several other areas of the wheel as well?
That’s the key, its focus. But focus on your career, so you can focus when you get home. So if your significant other is complaining about how much time you are working and you are feeling tough, you are feeling it hard, and you are not finding the balance that you need, maybe what it is, is just you need to be more focused on your career.
But then there is the third one. Well, the third one is an interesting one. What it could be, let’s say you come to me, and by the way 99 percent of the people who come to me, it’s not the third one, but I am going to address it, because it may be for some of you.
The Third Reason is A Lack of Clarity on Long-Term Goals
Let’s say when you are with her, or when you are with him, you are 100 percent present. Let’s say, you are a hundred percent focused at work, and you are a hundred percent focused on everything that you are doing. So event comes to your relationship, you are focused there, you have the presence, let’s say you have all that going. If you have the presence and you have the focus, then what could be potentially going on is you and this individual possibly don’t share the same long-term goals.
Or maybe you do share the same long-term goals but you haven’t talked about it. So what you want to do, is you want to make sure, that if you are present and you are focused, and that you are really giving this person your all, and you are giving your career your all, then you’ve got to understand, do we share the same long-term goals?
And if you think you do share the same long-term goals, then maybe it’s time to talk about them. So you sit down, and you talk about your long-term goals and remind one another of what your long-term goals are.
Have a Discussion About Your Long-Term Goals
By reminding one another what your long-term goals are, it is going to allow you to make sure you thrive in the long term. And in some cases what it might do, it might create a situation where what’s happening is that you have the same long-term goals now, right.
And so what you can do, you can talk about the things that you want to accomplish, and that will possibly justify the hours you have to put into your work for a short period of time.
Or, once you realize what your long-term goals are, you might realize that hey, you might be putting too many hours at work. But it’s important to get crystal clear on those long-term goals.
You see, if you share them. Now in some cases, you may not share the long-term goals. And that’s is where you have to have a deep and valuable and important conversation.
You got to talk to the person that you love, about what their long term goals are. And make sure they understand what your long term goals are. And then you guys are got to talk to see if your long term goals are somehow are going to be able to match together. Because if you are with someone, and you love them, but you have different long term goals, and neither of you is going to budge, and you don’t want to change your long term goals. Well then guess what?
The problem in your relationship may not be career relationship balance. It may a difference in where you are trying to go. And that’s a big, big problem. If you ever go to a road trip, it’s not the GPSs fault, if you are trying to go to Texas, while someone else is trying to go to Illinois.
Listen, I don’t care how good your GPS system is, it’snot going to get you there. Because one of you is going to be let down when you rise. And worse, what probably is going to happen, is you won’t end up in either of the destinations.
Because you travel south for a bit, and then north for a bit, and then south again and north again and in the end what you find, you are maybe doing circles. So it’s critical you focus on the same long term goals. So I am going to tell you. It’s simple as that. If you have a significant other, or someone you love, and they are complaining about the fact that you are not balancing your career with your relationship, it’ s one of three things.
You either need to be more present, you need to be more focused including your time at work, and time in your relationship, time doing other things. Or what you may need to do is to make sure you have an alignment of your long-term goals.
And the key with those three things is if you have an alignment in your long-term goals and then you get focused on everything that you are doing in your life, and you have presence when you are with your significant other, my goodness, that is a rocket fuel for your relationship, and that is rocket fuel for your life.
How to Improve Your Work-Life Balance
So even if maybe you’ve got a couple of this thing going, my question for you is this, could you improve them a little bit? Could you be a little more present? Could you be a little more focused in your relationship, at work, and wherever else you are at?
Could you a little more aligned on your long term goals? I know the answer is yes, and yes. So let us get out there today, let’s get you focused on your career, lest get you focused on your relationship, in all the 10 different areas of your life, then what I want you to do is I want today, my challenge to you is this, when you are with your significant other I want you to be there 100 percent present.
And when you see your significant other today, take that freaking phone of yours and I want you to put it on an airplane mode, I want it to turn it off or if you are filthy rich, just break your phone in front of them. I don’t care. But I want you to deliver a message to them.
That when you’re with them, they’re the most important thing in your life. Make them feel it, make them realize it, and let them know so they ever question it. And get clear on your long term goals if you can as well so that you share those same long term goals or at least you know what your long term goals are.
If you do that, my friends, I guarantee you, you’ll have a beautiful relationship and still be able to focus at your work and get the things that you want in your career and your mission and in the long term have the happiness that you deserve. And when you are done doing all this, and your relationship is awesome, don’t forget to tell your significant other to download my podcasts as well.
Hey, I love you guys, I love having fun with you here, and btw we’re adding a little feature, we’re going to be adding some outtakes at the end of some these podcast as well. Listen in and you never know when you are going to get some fun, little outtakes, of me being silly, screwing up, so go out there, have a beautiful day, and always lead with your heart.